holyboogers

I was quite an emotional mess at Ryan’s first birthday party.  Yes, the tears did fall.  His second birthday was no different.  I remember him sitting in his booster chair at the table eating his cake, and I just looked.  I just stood there and stared at him…at his face that had thinned but the cheeks that remained slightly chubby, at his blonde hair and unruly cowlicks that adorned the top of his head.  This was myson.  And he was now two.  Ryan just celebrated his third birthday last weekend, and once again, there was no difference in my emotional well-being :)  Three years old!  During one of the few moments I could steel him away from his hyperactively chasing his friends around the house, I knelt down on the floor to be with him.  Bigger, thinner, and still absolutely beautiful.  Did I mention this was my son? 

There was one difference this year of great magnitude.  Noah.  Noah was with us this year.  I now have two beautiful boys that I love dearly.  It will be Noah’s turn in July.  He’ll be one year.  A year old!  I feel like I’m looking at Ryan all over again, and yet, I know I’m not.  The memories just seem to flood me within with each and every milestone that Noah hits.  I remember these with Ryan.  I remember where I was, how I felt, and the elation I harbored within.  Although Noah reminds me of his older brother, I understand that he is a different child.   Noah is my boa boy.  Yeah…a very silly nickname, I know.  But that’s just what he is.  He is himself and come July, I will have an entirely new reason to celebrate and wont feel any embarrassment when those warm tears find their way down my cheeks as my lovely boy sits in his booster chair eating his very own, original birthday boy cake.

My boys are amazing.  They are dearly loved, no doubt.

Happy Birthday, Ryan!

Ryan is potty training and to my amazement, it’s been going rather well.  He happened to see a potty seat adorned with the character of Diego on it at Babies R Us and although he’s never actually watched Diego on television, he knows who he is.  He told me right then and there that he wanted Diego and that’s where he’d put his pee-pee.   Um…okay!!  I’m sold!

Needless to say, we came home with Diego that very day and the next morning was our first attempt at actually sitting on him.  Instead of calling it “sitting on the potty,” which is what I said during attempt number one a few months ago that utterly freaked Ryan out, I called it “using Diego.”  And it worked.  I imagine he just needed those few extra months.  When he’d pee on Diego, I’d give him a sticker and as he continued to do so, I upped the ante…he’d get a sticker and a small piece of chocolate.  Definitely didn’t want to ruin this most wonderful of things!

Just the other day I was using the bathroom myself.  Ryan trots along over and enters the bathroom.  “What you doin’ Momma?”  I told him I was going pee.  I finished and as I stood, he peeks into the toilet and then his eyes widen, his eyebrows raise and he looks at me, his countenance one of surprise and amazement as he exclaims in quite the high tone “you a good girl, Mommy!  You pee pee.  You get a sticker and chocolate!”  Then he rams into my leg grasping it with those little hands of his in one of the best hugs I’ve ever been given.  He was so proud of me and I was left with such a feeling of adoration.  I sat down on the closed toilet and lifted him onto my lap where I grabbed that little body of his right back!

I love those times…those moments where your child strikes you with something so absolutely adorable that you drop what it is you were doing because it suddenly doesn’t seem to matter anymore.  You embrace them and shower them with your kisses, squeeze them with your arms, but you still aren’t satisfied and attack more and more to help quench that feeling of elation soaring within.

I had two more of those moments just tonight.  Ryan was finished with his dinner and walked away from the table.  He went into the living room and decided that’s not where he wanted to be at that moment.  So along he comes…wiggling his way towards my chair.  He puts his hand on my leg, looks up at me with those blue eyes of his, and says “I love you, Momma.”  Oh my goodness!  What was I doing?  Eating?  Naah…I lift him into my arms, kiss him all over, and tell him that he makes me so very happy.  Then he goes on to tell me that he makes me happy when he uses Diego, too.  Well…he’s got that right!  Dinner done, tubs done, it’s time for bed.  I walk Ryan into the bedroom, Noah on my hip.  It’s our goodnight routine.  I tuck Ryan into the blanket as Noah is sitting on the bed ready for the goodnight song and kisses for his brother.  Ryan reaches out and begins to stroke Noah’s chubby baby hand and says “I love you, Noah!”  How can I not get teary as I type those words and remember the sound of my son’s voice? 

These are the moments…

I sit here on the couch.  My arms are free.  I sit here alone in what seems like quite a long time.  Jay has made it home for a short visit before having to head back to Portugal (yes, we’re on month seven) and he and the boys are upstairs in the bathroom.  As I type I listen to the laughter of my children.  What an amazing sound this is!  I close my eyes.  Take it in.  The stress slowly lifts from my shoulders as I breathe.  I could be content for quite some time just listening to the sound of their voices, the sound of their laughter.  Footsteps.  Ryan is running in the hallway.  Down the stairs.   “Momma!”  And this is when I sign off…