holyboogers

As a parent, you’re constantly bombarded with such phrases as “time goes by so quickly” and “don’t blink or you’ll miss it.”  Prior to motherhood, I would simply nod my head in agreement feeling that I had a strong hold on what this truly meant.  I was fooling myself.  I don’t believe you can truly feel the gravity of these simple phrases unless you are a parent yourself. 

Time went by rather quickly for Ryan’s first year, that’s for sure.  But Noah?  Noah’s first year is a blur, which saddens me.  Jay left for Portugal when Noah was only three weeks old and from that time on, I was alone with the boys.  Now that’s what I call a 24/7 job!  Jay was able to make it home for a few days each month and two weeks during Christmas (and man did I think that was a long time!), and returned home for good when Noah was almost eleven months.  I had my hands, legs, body, mind and heart very full for those ten months - no time for myself.  Days went by so quickly.  Days turned into weeks, and…you know where I’m going with this.  With Jay gone and our days packed full, I haven’t had time to breathe.  And yet, I tried to take full advantage of each and every opportunity I could to simply sit there with my son…look upon his face, the nostrils flaring as he breathed in his sleep, eyelashes twittering.  The nose that looks to be so tiny and turns red when he screams.  The toes that look to be too big for his body (although his body is rather big, too!  Goodness!)  Gosh, is he going to have his father’s “hobbit” feet?  (Yeah, Jay will flick me for that comment when he reads this for sure!) 

He’s laying on my chest as I type.  My beautiful son.  I feel his breath.  See his back slowly curling up with each inhalation.  I remember.  I remember when he fit.  I remember when I could hold him on my chest, legs curled under his stomach and there was so much room to grow.  Not anymore.  His arms reach around me and his legs are splayed across my thighs.  Yeah…he kind of looks like a frog!  My beautiful frog, that is.  Ha!  I tickle my lips with his curls and I think at this very moment that he’s just simply not a baby anymore.  His birthday was yesterday.  His first birthday.  Now what was that phrase again?  Oh yeah…time does fly.  I’m guilty of blinking. 

I celebrate his birth as I close this note.  I’m blessed to have had the opportunity to stay home with my son and revel in the joy that each milestone has brought to our home.  To our hearts.  I look forward to what the future holds for him and hold on tightly to what has already passed.  My baby no more.

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