Ryan has always been a social boy. He thrives from being around other children. When in a playdate, he’s in heaven and if we happen to go somewhere alone, as a family, he gravitates toward other children when he sees them. Older children, mostly. And other boys, at that. Today was no different.
In need of getting out of the house, we headed to the park this afternoon. As we entered the safety of the gated area, he let go of the stroller and ran, his gait awkward as it normally is, legs lifting slightly to the side. A huge smile. I sat down on the closest bench and took Noah from the stroller to allow him the opportunity to explore. I watch Ryan closely. There were quite a few children on the playstructure at this time and I notice that they are mostly girls, and none of them look to be less than eight years old. Ryan watches as two girls chase after one another and he thinks this looks just wonderful so he begins to run beside them, the smile on his face brightening, his cheeks flushing from the heat and excitement of his moment. The girls climb, he climbs too. The girls go down the slide, he follows. Always a step behind because, yes, he’s only three. I watch his every move. And the girls’. As Ryan runs across the structure, a jubilant bounce in his gait, one of the girls turns on him, lowers her upper body to lean over him, and screams “stop following me!” I look around - are there any other parents in sight? I see no one. Ryan is still smiling, seemingly ignorant of the girl’s agitation. She turns back and begins to run away from him. He follows, but well behind. She stops. Whirls around in all her glory “stop following me!” She yells loud enough I’d be surprised if the people across the entire park can’t hear her exact words. She’s got a look of complete and utter frustration on her face - I’m on the edge of my seat. What is she capable of doing? Ryan continues in his ignorance, half her size, but yes…he attempts to keep up. I call him over to me. Distract him, which is quite easy to do. Problem solved.
I was close to tears. Emotions flood. Normally it’s older boys that tend to do this to Ryan with a “you can’t play with us!” type of taunt. Never has it been a girl, but then again…he typically flocks to the boys. My heart was slowly sinking the entire time this was happening to my son. Now, I fully understand that sometimes children just simply don’t want to play with other children, but as a mother, I would tell Ryan to allow a younger child to chase him around. If he didn’t like it, simply ignore it. If Ryan were all over the girls’, that’s one thing. But he was always a step or two behind to the point where you wouldn’t realize he was trying to play with them if his face were not uplifted with a smile to theirs. When he’s around older children and I can tell they’d prefer to continue playing without him, I tend to distract him elsewhere.
I also wonder where the parents’ stood as this girl was yelling at Ryan? If Ryan is doing something that is not appropriate, I correct his behavior. Had she asked Ryan nicely to stop following her, that would have been one thing, but to turn on him, hover above him, and yell? No need.
I cringe to think of the day that these words and intonations hit Ry. Full force. I think of the expression that will inevitably plaster itself on his face. Will he cry? Will he stand still in shock? Will he stun me and take it well? I’m not ready to make these explanations to my son - why somebody wont play with him and looks upon him with anger all because he attempted to make a new friend. I’m happy with his ignorance. I love the simple fact that we can go to a playground and he befriends the first person he sees. Perhaps I’m in a bubble with gumdrops and rainbows floating around? I’m not naive. I just have to sigh when thinking about the near future - that beautiful smile fading, shoulders slumping, and Ryan asking me “why?”
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